Jimmy Dodgers
by Monkey and Music Lover
Summary: River's dreams are invaded and the Doctor will no longer stand for it! Crack!
1. My Jimmy Dodgers

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN RIVER, DOCTOR, OR ANY OTHER CHARACTERS. LOL**

**A/N: Okay this has been FOREVER, but hey again! This is obvious DRiver but its very cracky DRiver! :D I hope you all like it XD it was inspired by mah dream last night and was beta-ed by my friend **Rei**! Please do review x3**

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><p>"<em>Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number still 911? Aaaalrighty then."<em>

"_Hey, look, the Monkees. They were a huge influence on the Beatles."_

"_Riddle me this, riddle me that, who's afraid of the big, black bat?"_

River gasps as she wakes up. Panting, she stares at the spot in front of her and tries to forget her terrible, terrible dream.

The Doctor stirs next to her and slowly gets up. Seeing that she is very frightened and distraught, he automatically puts an comforting around around her and pulls her into a warm embrace.

"River, my love, what's wrong?" he asks gently as she continues to breathe heavily.

"It happened again. I had the same dream," she whimpers as she begins to shake.

"Oh no, not again. You poor girl," the Doctor replies as he begins to caress her back. "It's alright, though, there's nothing to worry about. It was just a dream."

"But he just won't leave me alone," River cries as she buries her head into his chest and holds him closely.

"Shh, shh, it's okay. I'm here, love. It's alright."

River begins to calm down and relax into the Doctor's arms, but this has happened before and he knows better than to let her go before she falls back asleep.

"Doctor," she calls.

"Yes, dear?"

"He's done something different this time," she pauses and he waits for her to continue, "Once he had me in the corner, as always, he suddenly turned back and went into the kitchen. Then he..." she pauses once more and the Doctors takes this cue to hold her closer, "he ate all the Jammy Dodgers."

Suddenly the room falls silent. River buries her head into the Doctor's neck for only a second before he suddenly gets up.

"Where are you going?" she asks worriedly.

"First he invades your dreams and makes you wake with a fright every night, which is annoying enough. But then he touches _my_ Jammy Dodgers!" he yells, infuriated as he throws on his tweed jacket. "I have to have a talk with this Mr. Carrey."


	2. Bow Ties Should be Cool

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anyone in this except for good old Carl XD**

**A/N: And Jim Carrey is back! Haha, okay so this is a little second part to my Jimmy Dodgers story. This was prompted by nice **OurLordDisco** :D I changed it from being in a dream to being real tho xD Sorry if it's no good Please do share your thoughts oh and if you have any prompts I'd love to hear and write them!**

**The prompt was: Mr. Carrey burns Doctor's bow tie and they get into a fight.**

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><p>"Doctor, I think you should reconsider this," River called after him as she threw on a jacket and followed her husband out the TARDIS. "Sexy, stop him!"<p>

The TARDIS, agreeing with River as she always does, locked the doors and restricted her thief from escaping the comfort and safety of her.

"TARDIS, if you don't unlock these doors at this moment I will find your central circuiting and shut you off indefinitely." the Doctor threatened her menacingly. The TARDIS hummed in disbelief and the Doctor glared at her console and smirked. "It's under the second sub-deck beside the neuro disfibulator and the password is ROCK." the TARDIS hummed once more, but was interrupted by the Doctor's correction. "Ridges, outer, coconut, kangeroo."

The doors suddenly flew open and the Doctor ran out as the TARDIS hummed its apologies to River.

"It's alright old girl," River soothed as she walked out and rubbed her door, "better men have tried and failed."

The Doctor took large, quick strides up to a large, green two door house and knocked angrily.

"Coming," he heard followed by noises of crashing and fumbling. The door opened and revealed Jim Carrey in a purple bathrobe with a big grin on his face. "Hello, can I help you?"

"Mr. Carrey," the Doctor gave off false joy, "I heard you've been invading my beautiful wife's dreams."

Jim looked around the Doctor and saw River give him a cheeky smile and look down embarrassed.

"Why yes, yes I have." he winked at her.

"I see, well yes, I have allowed you to invade her dreams and I've done nothing but comforted her," The Doctor's smile suddenly fell and he looked at Jim with a frown and a piercing stare. "but you crossed the line when you went after my Jammie Dodgers."

"If I wasn't mistaken," Jim took a step forward so they were nose to nose and eye to eye, "that sounded like a threat."

"You don't want to mess with me, Mr. Carrey." the Doctor stated plainly.

"That's a pretty funny thought coming from a man wearing a bow tie."

"Bow ties are cool!" he immediately defended.

"Oh they are?" Jim asked, with his eye brows raised curiously.

"Yes, they are the coolest thing ever... right before fezzes. Fezzes are cool too, and so are stetsons." the Doctor babbled on.

"Let me warm it up for you then," Jim said as he took the bow tie and quickly lit a match.

The beautiful red bow tie immediately caught flame and turned into ashes, slowly floating to the ground. River's hand flew to her mouth as she gasped and the Doctor's jaw dropped as his nostrils flared angrily.

"Oops," Jim said carelessly, "is that warm enough for you?"

Without a thought, the Doctor quickly pounced and gave Jim a good swing his left cheek. They were instantly on the floor rolling around, fighting tooth and nail... over a pastry.

"Hello Miss Song," a cop nodded as he came up and stood by her, observing the scene along side.

"Good morning Carl, how are the wife and kids?" River asked him nonchalantly.

"Oh they're great. Maggie just turned 10." he announced proudly.

"Ah, so we meet linearly this time." she smiled.

"Yep, saw the old TARDIS on my usual route and thought I should see who it was this time." he placed his hands in his pockets as he continued to watch the two grown men fight, "So, uh, how long do you think I should wait?"

"I'd give them a good 10 minutes before someone calls the cops and you get a call on your radio."

"Hmm, sounds about right," Carl agreed as they both continued to watch. His head tilted to the side as the men brawled senselessly. "Did the Doctor just-"

"He's a biter, that one," River responded.

"Dispatch to 1342 McArthur Boulevard. There seems to be some domestic disturbance. Over."

"That's my cue," Carl said as he got out his hand cuffs and sighed, "land the TARDIS about noon at my place tomorrow, we'd love to have you two over for lunch tomorrow."

River was already heading for the TARDIS to bail the Doctor out for the next day. "Will do Carl, see you in a little."

With that River entered the old girl and began to type in her coordinates. Before heading off, she turned on the scanner and watched the show for a bit longer. She watched as two other cops came onto the scene and began to quickly pull the two men apart. Jim fought harder than most other celebrities the Doctor bothered. They continued to kick and punch even as the cops pulled them apart and got out the stun guns. There was a quick, but loud buzz before it was silent.

"Ouch, that's going to be there in the morning."


End file.
